Do you know what I’ve been doing for the past, oh I don’t know, hour or so?
Looking for uniforms. Packing snacks. Prepping dinner. Wiping down toilets. And getting mildly depressed every time I take a glance in the general direction of my laundry room. Because it LITERALLY overfloweth. I mean my cup overfloweth, but so does my drier with clean clothes that have not been touched in days. DAYS. And no one is here, in my quiet living room, cheering me on. No one is handing me a paycheck(I get paid in the smiles of my children…..ahem). This is motherhood.
Because we are a busy people, and we spend a lot of weekends on the baseball fields, which doesn’t lend itself to lots of laundry foldin. This is my primary role. I have other things I enjoy and that I do, but going into this year, with all of the kids in school, I fought the urge to do all the things. I knew that taking care of my family, for me, during THIS season, was where I needed to be. And that was spot on, because this year has been a doozy.
Maybe you can relate to this life. Or maybe you relate more to diaper changing and sick day snuggles and paci’s and potty training. Or perhaps you have a college goer and an empty nest and you feel lost and without purpose, because motherhood is all you have ever known.
In my 12 years as a mom, I’ve wrestled with a lot of feelings of inadequacy. I mean right? Being a parent is like walking around with a mirror right in front of your face. We see all our flaws, all our imperfections, all of our age and wrinkles and things about ourselves we would love to change. All of it, in our parenting mirror, with horrible lighting, and all the wrong angles. Because the enemy would like nothing more than to make us feel useless, inadequate, dumb, and incapable of this whole parenting thing. When he causes us to feel worthless, we then become less effective.
And that is not ok, because we need to be warriors.
One of the biggest lies that I have come across in motherhood(know when I say this, it’s because I’m a mom, but if you’re a dad, just insert fatherhood or parenthood) is that if you are a mom, and this is your only or primary vocation, then you are JUST a mom. And I have really come to hate the word just.
We live in a world that implores us to do more, be more, perform more. Be a girl boss or an executive or have a side hustle or start a non-profit or go back to school. Hear me, all of those things are AMAZING. And if you are a momma and a hustler, you go girl. You do what God has given you to do. You chase those dreams. I am so on board with that and I am so inspired by you. And I get it, because I’m a dreamer, and as my kids have gotten older, I’ve found more of my hustle. I believe God created us to dream and pursue our passions and I believe there can be lots of them!!
BUT……
If you are a mom, and this is what you do, day in and day out, and you feel that because you aren’t doing “anything else” then you are not valuable, or that what you do every day is just simply not enough, you are wrong.
Motherhood is the least glamorous job on the planet. You can literally plant seeds of wisdom and drive and passion in your children on the same day you clean up their throw up out of the very white(or what used to be) carpet. You can have a breakthrough moment with your most beloved but difficult child, and turn around 20 seconds later to being told you are, and I quote, “THE WORST MOM EVER,” or “YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL.” This is my favorite by the way. I’m like really? REALLY?!? I don’t care about you? LOOK AROUND. Your life is oozing with care and love and a ridiculous amount of security. So don’t even. I birthed you for crying out loud. Trust me, it hurt, and I CARE.
That’s the job. And it may not come with a paycheck or little people putting us on a giant pedestal, but let’s not diminish this job to “less than” any other calling based on the qualities the world has given to success. The world says success is based on numbers. A paycheck or a number of followers or subscribers or comments or likes. All numbers, and all completely void of meaning when it comes to our value and our worth. We have an image in our minds of what success looks like, and last time I checked, no one has the un-showered tired momma with spit up down the back of her shirt on that list. But she should be, because you guys, WE ARE RAISING PEOPLE.
And this is no small task, can I get an amen?
We are raising the next generation. And that doesn’t make us better than anyone else. There is no pride here that I’m taking one for the team or being a martyr for the sake of procreation. No. This is about being proud in the best sense of the word. Being secure in the role you have been given. Being content. Being thankful. Even when you’re hiding in your closet or your car to find peace and the tears are streaming down your face because you feel like you are doing this all wrong. You are not JUST a mom. You are a MOM. A rock star. And placed in your position as your kids parent FOR A PURPOSE. It’s no accident. And this purpose is a beautiful thing.
God has given us purpose in our roles, in our callings, but he has called US worthy and valuable because of what He did on the cross, and because he MADE us, not because of what WE do. Our worth has nothing to do with what we do, or how many mistakes me make, or how many victory laps we take. We are valuable and loved by our creator, period. Ain’t nothin we can do to earn that. So exhale. Let it out. And get on your knees because this job, this calling, this role, is a big one.
We are raising the next generation. There is no higher calling. We are raising a president, the next generation of men, leaders, athletes, visionaries, creatives, missionaries, doctor’s, photographers, accountants, builders, lady bosses, nurses………and mommies and daddies.
There is no just when it comes to this role. You don’t have to do ten other things to make you valuable or to make what you do worthy. And I know, because I felt that sense of “I need to do more.” For years I fought the urge to do “more” than “just” be a mom, because that’s what we’re fed. Don’t be ok where you are. Don’t be content. Don’t be used. Don’t be effective. Feel less valuable and less effective and less important.
Feel invisible.
Because this makes you silent and still and unwilling to do your job with passion and grit and determination. If the enemy can make you feel small, he will keep you there, allowing you to live in the shadows instead of in the light as the very best mommy you can be.
And this can apply to anything you do. Motherhood comes to the forefront because I hear this so often, but insert whatever your calling is. If you’ve been called to foster, then foster like it’s nobody’s business. If you’ve been called to medical school or singleness or to be barren or to adopt or to tutor at your kid’s school, do it like nobody’s gonna catch ya. Be thankful for your calling and where God has placed you to be used. Even when it’s messy. Don’t diminish your calling to motherhood or anything else as less than because it’s not accompanied by 23 other jobs. Do the one thing. And then see what God might bring about down the road. He is using you to not only raise this next generation, but to mold and shape and refine YOU into the person He wants you to be, to be the most useful soldier on the planet for His kingdom, and that starts at home.
And don’t you forget that.
You, momma, are precious and doing amazing things. I know it feels so boring and mundane and HARD on so many days. I know you feel like no one sees you. But God sees you! And I promise you, the years really are short and the days oh so long. And before you know it they are turning 12 and one year away from teenagerhood(its’ a word) and like a hot second from puberty and college and THE WORLD NEEDS EFFECTIVE AND GRATEFUL PARENTS TO SHAPE THESE STUBBORN AND CLUELESS BRAINS. They need us. And we need to step up. We need to stop de-valuing our role and embrace it. We need to be proud of this motherhood thing and wear the badge with honor. Don’t worry about adding to it with all your other accolades. Just rest in it. God might use you to start that non-profit or chase another calling while you are in the thick of mothering, and if He does, that is AWESOME. But he may not. He may have you right where you are for a reason. So wait on Him. Be patient. Be available. Be present. And be willing to be seen right where you are, spit up and all.
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