I haven’t written on this blog since October of 2018. That’s a new personal record of time spent NOT blogging. And I use the term “blogging” loosely, as I never really fell under any typical category of blogger. Consistency being the main reason. I wasn’t consistent. I just wrote when I felt like I had something to say, because it brought me joy. I didn’t generate any income from this crazy space. I didn’t have a record number of followers. I sure didn’t win any blogging awards or secure a shit ton of promotions or advertisements. I just did it because I loved it, plain. and. simple. And for the longest time, that was enough.
But then something happened. I stopped loving it. And I stepped away. I felt I had lost my freedom to truly share and express myself, but more importantly, I lost my grip on the purpose behind my words.
Life happened. My dad died. And I’m learning what it means to truly walk through the long processes of grief, as it is constantly changing. I was with my dad for two weeks leading up to the day he met Jesus, and that was an experience that has forever changed who I am. Although I will cherish those moments for the rest of my life, it was a process nothing could have prepared me for. And I’m still working through it. Grief comes in waves of random emotion. From joy to sorrow, anger to peace, sadness to relief. Difficult images that will forever be engrained in my mind mixed with precious memories I never wish to forget, usher themselves in and out, however unwelcome or untimely they might be. He was my dad, and his loss will be one I carry with me forever.
I also spent a good amount of time last year, prior to my dad’s death, working on me. Getting “myself” back by improving my nutrition and my fitness, as I had let both lapse a bit after a personally challenging 2017. I dove headfirst into Beachbody, a company I still love and support, but with my dad’s death and a crazy busy start to the school year, I decided to set coaching aside.
I set aside some of my passions last year, (and rightfully so, under the circumstances) specifically the one to write. What I’m realizing after having spent some time away is that I didn’t just lose the willingness or drive to write or train or coach or socialize, rather, I had completely lost sight of my purpose.
I was listening to a message recently by Loui Giglio, one of my very favorites, and he was talking about the mingling of our passions with our purpose. They intertwine beautifully if we let them. Our purpose fuels and guides our passion, or passions.
We often think we have to go out searching for this ultimate center of God’s will, as if finding it will finally solve all of life’s questions. A quest for purpose, and actually finding it, seems like the ultimate prize doesn’t it? Like climbing a mountain and reaching the summit. But what I’m finding as I re-enter a space where I’m actually using my gifts, and what I was reminded of today, is that my very purpose in living is to know Jesus and to make him known. That’s it. Everything else falls under this heading. And it’s not a mystery. It’s not something that, as believers, we need to go out and find. Because God just laid it right out there for us to see, plain and simple.
“And WHATEVER you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17
Isn’t that a relief?
I’m not crafty or creative. I don’t make heart shaped pancakes on Valentines Day and I don’t love volunteering at my kids school. I’m not a room mom or a powerful executive or a nurse. I’m not in active vocational ministry at a non profit or a local church. I’ve never fostered. I’m not traveling the dirt roads in another country spreading the gospel. AND THAT’S OK. Because all things, if done in and for the name of Jesus, are NOBLE and GOOD.
All. Things.
I’m driving carpool and supporting my kids from the sidelines. I’m folding laundry and cheering you on in your fitness and singing in the choir at church and currently, writing this post. I’m sitting with moms at baseball games and doing my best to use my season for good. I don’t have a huge platform, and maybe you don’t either, BUT WE ALL HAVE SOME KIND OF PLATFORM. It may not involve massive wealth or notoriety or recognition, but we all have a sphere to which we have been called to make much of Jesus. If you are a Christ follower, this is your aim, your calling, and your privilege.
My family is my passion. Writing is my passion. Fitness is my passion. Cooking is my passion. Speaking truth to women in seasons a bit behind me is my passion. All of these things are unique to me. My PURPOSE in them is to make God’s name known. God isn’t a God of confusion, so it’s not his plan to have me spinning around in circles trying to figure out what in the world I’m supposed to do with my life. He’s saying right now, today, WHATEVER YOU DO, in word or in deed, scrubbing toilets or throwing it down in the court room or cleaning up throw up or serving the least or adopting that child with special needs or caring for your ill husband or sitting in that classroom or working those three jobs to put food on the table, do it ALL for me and my name and the spreading of my gospel.
Period.
Because it all starts with, is sustained by, and ends with Jesus.
“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” Colossians 1:16
Today I was reminded of this great purpose, this great and massive privilege, and that it’s the very thing that fuels and serves my passions. I am passionate about writing, and that’s no accident. I took something God had given me to do, and I set it aside, in part, because I was afraid. Afraid of giving the wrong impression of myself. Afraid of “going nowhere.” Afraid of hurting feelings. Afraid of saying the wrong thing. Afraid of running out of things to say. Afraid of inconsistency. Afraid of not being able to keep up. Afraid of failure. Afraid of criticism. And while life happens, and it’s ok to step away from time to time, I don’t ever want to look back and wish I had been more faithful in the sphere God placed me in. And He gave me this sphere. This blog sphere and mom sphere and wife sphere and friend sphere and baseball sphere and personal trainer sphere. I’m not in this space in my life on accident, and neither are you.
I knew it was time to step back into this corner of my life. To be brave. To let go of all the reasons I can list off NOT to write. But at the end of the day, wether I do this every day or once every 3 months, it’s mine to do. It’s my unique passion and joy to write. It doesn’t mean I’ll ever write a book or have a podcast or hit the New York Times Best Seller list. It means God has placed it within me, and therefor, it is my job to be faithful to use that gift.
So today, on this totally boring and typical Monday, what is your gift? Gifts really. I think we all have lots, because God is so creative in His crafting of our lives. Are you being faithful to use them?
Maybe you don’t know what your gifts are. And that’s ok! Be faithful where you are TODAY. Even if it’s not where you really want to be. Make much of Jesus, and choose joy in whatever tasks lie before you today, in your sphere.
And if you don’t know God, you don’t believe He exists, you have questions, doubts, hesitancies, anger, sadness, confusion….it’s ok. My prayer for you is that you first meet Jesus. And upon knowing Him, you begin to see the purpose behind your passions. That you discover the gifts He’s placed inside you, and that you run with them, a passionate pursuit towards Him, and towards what He’s called you to do. Ask away. I’m here, in this space, to be obedient. So please, if you have questions about this Jesus, please ask. I may not have all the answers, but I’ll do my best to walk you through it.
So happy to be back here with you, running through life one little crazy day at a time.
“Maybe your dream is to go to school or get a degree or accomplish a certain task or find a spouse or start a business or move to a certain place or create a movement or carry the gospel to people who’ve never heard it before. Those may be great dreams, but there’s a bigger dream that overrides everything else: it’s that your life counts for the glory of God. That’s the overriding dream of God’s heart. If we don’t embrace that dream, then we are in trouble, because all our smaller dreams are subject to change.”
―
professional images courtesy of Emily Megan Photography
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