It’s the end of Phase 2 and I want to share my physical changes, but I don’t want it to wash away my message, or diminish what I know I’m gaining from this process. I don’t want it to discourage even one, if your progress looks different. Because that’s not my aim. My aim, my mission, is not to be bikini ready, or to convince you that you should be busting it for Summer ready bods, because frankly, that’s not enough to motivate me on the hard days. And there have been some very hard days. This has been a defining process to chisel away some residue from an unhealthy year. And I knew going in that it would be hard and transforming on more levels than just the physical. I just didn’t know quite how much it would change me.
I still have stretch marks and cellulite. I have cravings and miss chocolate chip cookies, like they were oxygen to my blood. Which I realize must sound so extremely dramatic, but if you know me, you know how I feel about cookies, therefore, the analogy totally fits. I miss French fries. My kids nickname for me used to be “the fry napper.” That should tell you something. They stopped calling me that after Phase 1, but it took 5 solid weeks to convince them I wouldn’t be picking at their fries anymore.
I am not aiming for perfection, or for a body free of flaws. I’m not going for skinny or thin or small or for all the compliments about having lost a little weight. In fact, that attention makes me uncomfortable to a ridiculous degree. Ask my husband or the one friend whom I have texted no less than 4 million times about this progress pictures dilemma. I’m an introvert, and I don’t enjoy being called out for anything that puts focus on me, good or bad. Not because I’m insanely humble, but because it just goes with the territory when you’re someone who prefers sitting in a coffee shop alone getting lost in a good book with some good tunes. I’m weird that way. I’ve wrestled with posting these pictures for 8 weeks, when people do it every day and I don’t think a thing of it, when it’s someone else. When it’s you well, it’s a whole new level of vulnerable. I’ve been terrified that my message would somehow get lost along the way in all the workout video’s and pictures.
My goal is not to be a person who hates fried food or chocolate. My goal is not to feel comfortable working out in a sports bra or totally ok with tri shorts, because hello, have you seen triathlon gear? Wet spandex from neck to knee is not my friend at any size or weight.
Being the skinny girl or the ripped girl or the totally with it trainer who never eats a burger isn’t who I am, nor who I want to be.
I just had things in my life that needed to change on a deeper level, which was the main reason I started this program, and I believe these outward changes are a reflection of the internal ones.
My heart is and always has been in the message that you are enough.
That you were created with amazing and awesome purpose. That you have one body, so treat it as such. I think there is value in these photos. In seeing the physical things that happen when you treat your body with love and care and respect. But if my only focus was on what my outside looks like, I would have quit already. Because that won’t always look the same. Some days are bloated. Some are stuffed with excess weight. Skin that hasn’t seen the sun in months. Stress. Stretch marks. Scars from a life of motherhood and pregnancy and an outdoorsy filled childhood. Dark circles. Sleepy eyes. Mom hair(i.e. the unwashed messy bun). My body will age and wrinkle and grow old. So for me, the focus HAS to be on how I FEEL, and how this process is changing me from the inside out.
I feel joyful, and not because of stronger abs or a smaller waist. I feel joyful because I’ve been reminded how much value we hold in the eyes of the God who made us. I had so begun to neglect myself, and in turn, I neglected HIM. Jesus. The one who formed me. I neglected my body, my mind and my soul. I just gave up. And now, with a few tears, I can tell you I’m filled with gratitude. Joy. Appreciation. A sense of new beginnings. And a truer and much deeper sense of self. And it all began with a change in diet and exercise. Crazy right?
So. Since I started this process 8 weeks ago, I’ve lost 13 lbs, 15 1/2 total inches, and I’ve gained my life back. Ask my kids. And my husband. Look at my house(which isn’t perfect by the way, and never will be with 5 warm bodies inhabiting it, but, it’s way more put together than it was when I simply didn’t give a crap). This process goes so much deeper than “summer bodies being made in the winter.” My body? My body is stronger. More motivated. Lighter. More energetic. Free of headaches. Getting better sleep. Hydrated. Refreshed. It was formed in the womb by a great God who is gracious and redemptive in His character. He makes old things new and molds beautiful things out of our shapeless clay. He gives us unconditional love and purpose, regardless of what we look like.
I hope and pray that my journey encourages, motivates, and gently nudges you to a life lived well, with purpose and loads of care, because you are worth it.
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